So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
