very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
