I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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