i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
