I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
