time to smoke my breakfast
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
