Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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