Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
