You made me cry and you don't even care
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
