i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
