you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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