god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
