the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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