The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
