wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
