i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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