So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I deserve this hangover.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
