I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's paint friendship bongs
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
