Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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