no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
