woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The Olympian is in my bed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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