I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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