You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
