i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
