I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
