What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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