Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
