my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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