ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
