I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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