were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you didnt know i had herpes?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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