I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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