tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
