Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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