Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
