Say something about gay babies.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
