Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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