I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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