I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize