p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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