Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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