Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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