u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
