If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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