Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
