remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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