ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
