if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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