clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
