Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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