forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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