i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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