i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
