I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
