News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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