I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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