go do what you do best...puke behind churches
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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