Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
