I'm so fucking centered right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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