Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
