Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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