I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
