If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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