He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize