I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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