Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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